Managing Parents and Building Effective Relationships with Families

Teachers want the best for their pupils. Parents want the best for their children. Both parties share the common goal of helping a child grow into an intelligent, happy adult — but working together towards that goal can prove difficult. Sometimes, education staff and parents don't agree about a child's behaviour or performance. Relationships become strained, and everyone suffers.

Managing parents whilst meeting the needs of learners can be challenging. Education staff and administrators have full plates without the added stress of handling negative parent/carer behaviour. But rest assured that you can take steps to improve your relationships with families and protect your wellbeing. Try these helpful techniques when you're confronted with a tough parent interaction or need help navigating a difficult conversation.    

Building a foundation for strong parent-educator relationships

Pupils do best when their parents/carers and educators are on the same page. Research shows that building strong relationships with your pupils' parents can have many positive effects. Parents who admire or respect teachers model that behaviour to their children. They are also more likely to engage in their children's schoolwork and support your teaching at home.    

Good relationships can also help insulate teachers and administrators from job burnout. Negative interactions with parents harm education staff wellbeing, so strategies to manage them should be a priority. You can use five simple guidelines to steer interactions in a positive direction and set the stage for a great conversation.

1. Make a habit of giving positive feedback

Some parents dread receiving an email from a teacher or seeing the school phone number on their phones. It's often because those parents/carers are used to getting bad news about their child. They don't have many positive interactions with their children's school, so they automatically go on the defensive if you need to raise a concern.

The easiest way to combat this problem is to give regular, positive feedback about pupils in your class. Try sending a positive email or message via your school's educator-parent communication platform weekly. Over time, parents come to dread messages from school less and less. They're more likely to be receptive when you bring up a concern because they already know that you're on their child's side.  

2. Find a good time to talk

Unless the conversation absolutely can't wait, ask parents/carers if it's a good time to talk. A parent who is stressed, distracted, or in a hurry is likely to get agitated if you bring up an academic or behavioural concern. If it's not a good time for the parent to talk, practice empathy by telling them that you understand and that your concern can wait for a different time. Remember to schedule a meeting within the next few days.   

3. Leverage common ground

You want the same thing that parents/carers do: For their children to succeed. Take advantage of this common ground when managing tough parents. Do your best to treat families as teammates who want to work with you, and let them know that you're cheering for their child. Ask parents and carers if they've noticed any changes at home or if they have any concerns before you delve into issues you've observed at school.   

This simple adjustment puts parents in the driver's seat. They're more likely to feel that you value their opinions and take their questions seriously. It also nudges parents/carers towards valuing your opinions.

4. Do your best to withhold judgements

Education professionals witness a wide range of unusual and upsetting family behaviours. When a parent/carer's actions are harmful or detrimental to a child, you must report your concerns. However, you may encounter behaviours that aren't ideal but aren't truly harmful either. Perhaps a parent allows a pupil to participate in an activity that you don't approve of or lets their child spend an excessive amount of time on a gaming system.

Remind yourself that most parents are doing their best and try not to pass judgement. It's part of cultivating a positive mindset. Unless a parent/carer is doing something harmful or dangerous, try to assume that they are doing what they think is right. Parents are often faced with outside stressors that impact their parenting decisions. The less you judge them, the more willing they'll be to listen to your concerns and consider your advice.   

5. Make sure that you're prepared

Take time before meeting with parents/carers to gather all the resources and records you might need. If you think you need to signpost parents to social or behavioural services, have the relevant information ready. Parents tend to be more cooperative when they perceive an educator values their time. Being thoroughly prepared for a meeting whenever possible is a great way to show parents/carers that you respect their time and are truly interested in helping.  

Tips for Managing Parents by Behaviour Type

Not all difficult parents/carers have the same personality type. Some family members are hard to work with because they are volatile while others are simply too self-absorbed to focus on student needs. While their behaviours are different, all difficult parents can negatively affect teacher wellbeing. Use these strategies to manage interactions with three common parent types.  

Strategies to manage aggressive parents

According to a study from YouGov, 15% of teachers deal with an aggressive parent at least once a month. Angry parents might verbally berate you, put you down, or threaten you. They can make frightening physical gestures and might be known around your school for having a hot temper. These parents/carers are hard to work with because they can make educators feel both physically and emotionally vulnerable.

Remember that parents who raise their voices or use harsh language are in a defensive frame of mind. They feel that you are attacking their child, so they lash out. This behaviour isn't acceptable, but it can be easier to manage when you understand what causes it. Again, try to empathise with them. Make it clear that you aren't picking on or singling out their child. If the parent/carer is too aggressive, schedule a different time to talk with them.  

There is never an excuse for a parent/carer to demean or frighten you. If you feel like you're being threatened, leave the room/area immediately. Call 999 to report your concern and alert administrators.

Strategies to cope with perfect parents

Parents often have a defensive reaction when an educator first mentions an issue or concern with their child. This is a natural, instinctual part of being a parent. Some parents recover quickly and realise that their child must have done what you're describing. Other parents find it impossible to believe that their child has done anything wrong.

Educators often describe these types of parents/carers as believing that their children are perfect and their parenting is perfect too. They are extremely sensitive to anything they perceive as criticism. These parents tend to think either that their child didn't do what you said, or that you caused their child to commit an offence.

Parents who think their children are perfect are often overwhelmed by their own insecurities or unrealistic expectations. They'll shut down if you start a conversation by 'criticising' their child and often blame educators for the poor behaviour. Try the egg salad sandwich approach with this type of parent:

·      Firstly, give a compliment about the student. This is the bread on the outside of the sandwich. It helps cushion the filling.

·      Secondly, bring up your concern about the student. This is the egg salad filling. It's your opportunity to explain the issue in full.

·      Finally, close with another compliment about the student. This is the second piece of bread. It helps soothe the parent's ego and ends the conversation on a high note.

Strategies to support emotionally needy parents

Some parents face financial, social, or work pressure that they are unable to cope with on their own. These parents are operating in crisis mode and can be needy. All education staff have interacted with parents who wanted to talk about their own problems more than their child's education. As an initial strategy, try gently steering the conversation back to the pupil anytime they start speaking about their own stress or issues.

If a parent continues to vent about their own problems, gently signpost them to a helpful support resource. You might feel like you should listen to a needy parent because they don't have anyone to talk to or because you see it as another way of supporting their child's development. However, educators simply don't have the bandwidth to carry the emotional burden for parents/carers. It's okay to step away and let someone with training and time meet the parent's needs.

Educators face a variety of challenges when dealing with student families. These interactions can have a major impact on your wellbeing. Why not sign up for your free Welbee Tool Kit today? It's packed with resources to help you deal with common emotional, social, and school pressures.