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How to Say 'No' in the Right Way

Approximate reading time: 4 minutes.

"No" is a small but powerful word. It's one of the first words we learn and as toddlers, we have no qualms about using it. Yet saying, "No!" as adults can be incredibly difficult, especially in the workplace. It may be that you don't want to let people down, you don't believe that saying no is an option, or you're worried about being perceived as being rude, unhelpful, or even discriminatory.

While these are all valid concerns, not being able to say no can be problematic when it comes to establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Saying no in education

two hands reaching for each other with the word no.

Working in schools often adds a unique set of challenges and complexities to saying no. A common example is feeling obligated to do things for colleagues, especially when it's something that'll impact pupils. Even when you want to help, there are limitations to what you can and should do as part of your role. Here are some things which may help you feel more justified when saying no:

  • You're not obliged to agree to anything beyond your contracted duties: Taking on additional responsibilities or helping colleagues with tasks outside of your role.
  • You have limited resources: Saying yes in some circumstances may mean that you aren't able to meet other responsibilities or commitments.
  • Saying no doesn’t mean that you don’t care: It shows that you understand your own capacities and limitations.
  • Saying yes all the time can lead to resentment: Not feeling able to say no can become frustrating, especially if you become the go-to person whenever someone needs help.
  • Saying no helps you manage your time and energy: Saying no enables you to better manage your tasks and avoid becoming overwhelmed.
  • Saying no is a skill: This means it's something that you can develop and become more comfortable with.

How to say no

Here are some tips which can help you become more at ease with saying no:

1. Give people's requests your full attention whenever possible

Paying attention to people's requests helps to show that you've thoroughly considered what they've asked of you. If you need more information, or if your answer is dependent on certain conditions, ask clarifying questions. If the information you need to base your answer on isn't yet available, you may want to say that you'll be able to provide an answer once it becomes available. Even when you're sure that you're unable to help, taking this step will prevent you from appearing dismissive.

2. Begin by setting a positive tone

Beginning with something positive help to soften the blow. If there's a thankworthy reason for them asking you, for example, expertise in a particular area, start by expressing your gratitude for being asked. If there isn't any specific reason, you may be better off expressing compassion for the situation they're in — few school staff are truly flattered when asked to be an extra supervising body at a school disco!

3. Say no clearly and respectfully

Decline the request clearly to avoid ambiguity and any attempts to coax you into changing your mind. While there are times when it's appropriate for 'No,' to be a complete sentence, in this context, it's usually best to expand a little on your answer. Due to the peculiar nature of the English language, saying no doesn't often involve the word "no". Sometimes our endeavours to be polite can result in lengthy responses that may cause confusion. Sticking to clear, straightforward language helps you avoid accidentally saying, "Yes," when you intended to say, "No," instead!

4. Provide an explanation if appropriate

In most cases, it's better to give a reason why you can't help. If you are comfortable sharing your reason, it can help the person making the request better understand your decision. Doing this can also contribute to the experience remaining positive. There may be circumstances where no justification is needed. In such situations, providing a vague explanation can help you both feel more comfortable. Some common ways of saying no are:

  • "I'm afraid I can't help — I'm pushed for time myself."
  • "I appreciate you asking and I wish I could help! But I have too much on my plate at the moment."
  • "I'm really sorry, but that's not something I can help you with."

5. Don’t feel pressured into giving an immediate response

There's nothing wrong with asking for time to consider a request. You might have to check your schedule or communicate with someone else to confirm something. Asking for time to consider can also help you out when you're put on the spot and feel unable to say no. Asking for time allows you to go away and compose your response. You can then deliver this in person, send an email, or communicate through other channels if this feels more comfortable.

Tips for saying no

Here are our top tips for saying no:

  • Show empathy for their situation
  • Be as honest as you can
  • Don't over-explain
  • Provide an alternative suggestion if appropriate
  • Asking clarifying questions doesn't mean you have to say yes
  • Maintain a firm boundary if pressured to change your answer

Being able to say no effectively is important for our overall wellbeing. You can more information on improving the wellbeing of school staff by signing up for the Welbee Toolkit. This free resource contains tips and guidance based on the latest research to support school staff and leaders in improving their wellbeing.

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